Moments In Time......: A Season of my Soul
A link to my other blog that is related to my panic and anxiety.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
The Nature of Panic Disorder
Wow! It's been a year since I posted here. I really can't believe it but yes I guess I can. I have been so busy tending to surviving the daily battle of panic attacks. I feel like I've been running a marathon for a solid year. I have journaled on my IPad during the tough nights and sporadically during the day. I wasn't able to focus on an actual blog post.
I know I am not alone in this. I know that when I tried to join a stress and anxiety support group that we sufferers had to attend at a given date and time, inevitably attendance was 1 to 5 people depending if that person could make it from their house to the meeting that day. Traffic may have been unbearable, the time slipped our mind, depression took over. You understand, I know you do!
So here we are a year later. I survived and am here to tell the tale that we are survivors. We fight and we push and we are constantly exhausted from the fight but never giving up we make it to the time when things finally break through the dark cloud into the blue sky where we can actually see the leaves on the trees, see past the tunnel that is our vision, see to the right and to the left of the thing we are able to strenuously focus on. We can breathe better and we can write to encourage those in the middle storm that it does stop for awhile.
We are strong. My son says I am the strongest person he knows, fighting while working, raising him, caring for my elderly mother...all things most people do but those things plus my struggle makes me the strongest person he knows. I am blessed to have his words of wisdom and encouragement in my head daily. I remember what he said and I keep going!
My year post will be long and maybe boring but hearing and reading will help you know you are not alone and maybe give you ideas of how to deal with the things I went through because they may be your things now or later and you will relate.
I know I am not alone in this. I know that when I tried to join a stress and anxiety support group that we sufferers had to attend at a given date and time, inevitably attendance was 1 to 5 people depending if that person could make it from their house to the meeting that day. Traffic may have been unbearable, the time slipped our mind, depression took over. You understand, I know you do!
So here we are a year later. I survived and am here to tell the tale that we are survivors. We fight and we push and we are constantly exhausted from the fight but never giving up we make it to the time when things finally break through the dark cloud into the blue sky where we can actually see the leaves on the trees, see past the tunnel that is our vision, see to the right and to the left of the thing we are able to strenuously focus on. We can breathe better and we can write to encourage those in the middle storm that it does stop for awhile.
We are strong. My son says I am the strongest person he knows, fighting while working, raising him, caring for my elderly mother...all things most people do but those things plus my struggle makes me the strongest person he knows. I am blessed to have his words of wisdom and encouragement in my head daily. I remember what he said and I keep going!
My year post will be long and maybe boring but hearing and reading will help you know you are not alone and maybe give you ideas of how to deal with the things I went through because they may be your things now or later and you will relate.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
No Rhyme, No Reason
Thursday morning I finally made it to the support group for anxiety and stress that meets at 10 am and is free to attend. I have been trying to make it there for almost 2 years now. I went and I was really good that day. I probably seemed to the others that I didn't need to be there since all quoted an anxiety level of 6 or higher while there. I was at a zero.
Some days I feel so good. I live for those days, those hours, those moments when all seems normal and right in my body and brain. I can think, speak, sit, stand, wait, engage, laugh. It's a feeling most people take for granted every day. I revel in it. Take it in. Am in awe of it. Am so grateful for it. I enjoy it while I can because at any moment everything can change in an instant. It's the strangest thing ever. Only people like me could understand what it feels like to live like this.
The very next day I was out for the entire day. It hit me like a bolt of lighting, very fast, unusually fast in the am just after I got up. It was so powerful, I had to take extra meds to calm down. Nothing worked except the meds. My day was engulfed with trying to work and sleep and work and sleep. Escape into a place where my panic usually lets me be....in sleep.
I've had times where it has woken me, choking me, sending me flying out of bed. But that hasn't happened in a long time.
I just don't understand how I can be so good one day and so bad the next. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to any of it.
I can write to you now while I am at a level 6, struggling but still able to communicate. I wanted to get this down because I know some of you struggle with panic that comes and goes for what seems to be no reason at all. I've kept a calender this month of each day and how and when my panic is striking and leaving. I am doing this because it seems to be a daily thing, out of my control and I am trying to get to the root or just catalog how it lives in me at different times and seasons of life.
I have been struggling with allergies, sinus infections, stress of finally getting my own home, learning my father is declining into alzheimers. Most things that happen to other people I can handle. It seems that when I am personally sick, unhealthy, either from the allergies or from emotional stress I am worse. It's the feelings inside me that set me off. The changes in my own body that I can't deal with in a sane way.
Why are we so sensitive to feelings? Why do they scare us so much? It seems so silly to the average person and to me. I self talk and say how silly I am being but my body is "just reacting" and I don't seem to have control over it. Like my mind can''t stop my body from feeling like it has been injected with 1000 shots of adrenaline.
But I will live today in thanks and prayer and make it through. I will push through and live for the next "normal" time.
I wish you all a panic and anxiety free day today! I wish you peace and calm today!
Anice
Some days I feel so good. I live for those days, those hours, those moments when all seems normal and right in my body and brain. I can think, speak, sit, stand, wait, engage, laugh. It's a feeling most people take for granted every day. I revel in it. Take it in. Am in awe of it. Am so grateful for it. I enjoy it while I can because at any moment everything can change in an instant. It's the strangest thing ever. Only people like me could understand what it feels like to live like this.
The very next day I was out for the entire day. It hit me like a bolt of lighting, very fast, unusually fast in the am just after I got up. It was so powerful, I had to take extra meds to calm down. Nothing worked except the meds. My day was engulfed with trying to work and sleep and work and sleep. Escape into a place where my panic usually lets me be....in sleep.
I've had times where it has woken me, choking me, sending me flying out of bed. But that hasn't happened in a long time.
I just don't understand how I can be so good one day and so bad the next. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to any of it.
I can write to you now while I am at a level 6, struggling but still able to communicate. I wanted to get this down because I know some of you struggle with panic that comes and goes for what seems to be no reason at all. I've kept a calender this month of each day and how and when my panic is striking and leaving. I am doing this because it seems to be a daily thing, out of my control and I am trying to get to the root or just catalog how it lives in me at different times and seasons of life.
I have been struggling with allergies, sinus infections, stress of finally getting my own home, learning my father is declining into alzheimers. Most things that happen to other people I can handle. It seems that when I am personally sick, unhealthy, either from the allergies or from emotional stress I am worse. It's the feelings inside me that set me off. The changes in my own body that I can't deal with in a sane way.
Why are we so sensitive to feelings? Why do they scare us so much? It seems so silly to the average person and to me. I self talk and say how silly I am being but my body is "just reacting" and I don't seem to have control over it. Like my mind can''t stop my body from feeling like it has been injected with 1000 shots of adrenaline.
But I will live today in thanks and prayer and make it through. I will push through and live for the next "normal" time.
I wish you all a panic and anxiety free day today! I wish you peace and calm today!
Anice
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