Sensitive to Energy Around Us

It has been a week since I wrote my last post.  I said I would continue writing as a series to "That's My Panic Talking Again".  My intention was to endure the turn my panic was taking me and hope to understand it and then tell you what I found out.  As it happens I did find out something I already knew but forgot and have not mentioned here before.

 Some of us with panic or anxiety have noticed that we are more in touch with and sensitive to our surroundings.  By that I mean the people we come in contact with or have a soulful connection with affects us.  I can pass someone and feel a flutter of something that sets off my panic.  It is the energy of the person I just passed or am even speaking with.  They may have something they are anxious about or their emotions are running high and I can "feel" them.

What I have experienced is that when someone I love is in trouble or feeling pain or sorrow I can actually feel it.  I don't know it at the time.  I experience heightened anxiety that will go into full blown panic for no reason at all.  I'm just going about my day or night and boom....I'm hit with a tidal wave.  I use my tools, call someone and can usually come down from it but I'm always sitting there wondering what just hit me like a ton of bricks or why do I feel sick?  Why am I scared?

I will tell you a story of something that happened to me that will show you what I mean.  I had the opportunity to go for a visit that took me over seas.  I was to be gone one week.  Filled with excitement at the thought of being able to "get away from it all" I boarded my plane and a few hours later was in one of my favorite places where I always feel peaceful and calm.  After a short time I started feeling sick.  I had some pains in my stomache and chest.  I thought it might be something I ate.  I tried different things to "physically" feel better.  Nothing was working.  At dinner one night I was overwhelmed with a feeling of dread and panic set in.  I couldn't breathe and in front of everyone I had to get up and get some air.  It immediately turned into tears and fear.  Everyone wondered what was wrong and I had no idea.

That night I had a nagging urge to call home.  Noone answered the phone.  I tried 3 different family members and nothing.  I began to understand and worry set in.  Finally I got a call back and was told my mother was in the hospital.  Her lungs were filled with fluid.  She would be there the entire time I was away.  The interesting thing was that when I found out what was going on my symptoms stopped.  I began to feel better and to feel the peace and calmness I always was able to feel when I visited.  It was like my spirit was feeling and my body was reacting but my head had no idea what was going on.  It manifested in panic.

It happened again this week.  And again I came to find out my mother fell and broke a rib.  I have many more stories like that but I think you get my meaning.  I believe that we are very sensitive to the energy around us.  We can let it pound us with symptoms or we can ask the question, Is someone I know in trouble.  It helps to know.  It just helps us.  We can process it.  Move it to the part of the brain that doesn't focus on "panic" - "the human brain responds like this goes back to our prehistoric past where humans needed their bodies to respond quickly to a perceived physical threat. What this new research is telling us, is that people’s mental activity during a panic attack is suddenly moving to the mid brain, resulting in the heightened state of fear and panic. In short, a separate part of your brain becomes more active during a panic attack."  


The website I get this information from is here.  I want to tell you that I DO NOT agree with what this site says about breathing not being effective.  I find it to be very effective.  Take what works for you from the site.  We are all different.


Now that I know what's been increasing my general, almost constant state of anxiety I can move on to something else.  I wish I could have focused sooner on something else but as I said in my last post I am in new territory here and have learned what to do next time this happens!

That's My Panic Talking Again

I am wondering if any of you out there with panic disorder feel like I do about "normal" aches and pains turning into thoughts of "what terrible disease could be causing these new physical things I am feeling?"  I have found myself talking to someone and telling them that I am feeling nervous about the fact that I am hurting in my back lately and then saying "That's my panic making me crazy again".  I'm noticing that my panic dictates how I am feeling every day.  It's become so "normal" for me to question every little thing I feel and wonder if it's a symptom I should not ignore that I am actually saying - "That's my panic talking".  It really upset me when I realized what I was doing.  It's like I am burying the panic deep down so I can function on a fairly normal level but now it's so deep that my subconscious seems to be using the panic to create a new me.  This new me is more "generally" anxious instead of "on occasion dealing with an attack" anxious.  I don't like this at all.

I've come to accept that I have panic disorder, use my tools, function fairly well but lately something's changed and I'm not sure what to do about it.  I'm sharing this new development on my journey with panic disorder in hopes that when I find out and conquer this new "symptom" I will be able to help someone else this may be happening to.  The problem can never be solved until we acknowledge that there is a problem.  I am just now becoming aware of this one.

What I think triggered me wanting to write a post about the dynamic of sickness or imagined sickness and my panic together is that yesterday I had my first prolia shot for Osteoporosis.  It's fairly new to the market and a must do treatment for me since 4 years of other treatments have not helped.  My numbers have continued to decline.  The doctors said I am in the 1% that don't respond to the other drugs and that the new prolia shot taken once every six months is my only option.  Of course I use food and supplements to increase calcium and magnesium absorption and exercise. I am always on edge when I have to take a new medication.  I don't know how my body will react to it and I am very sensitive to medications anyway.  I let my fear of this take over me yesterday and every little thing that was different has had me questioning my health.  The side effects don't manifest until days and weeks later and we don't really know how it will affect each person.  So my mind is all over the place on this one.  I can only trust that it is ok.  When I talk to people about it they say I am being ridiculous.  I say it's my panic talking and so on.

The other thing is that I seem to be more anxious and sad during this holiday season.  Maybe the general feeling of anxiety will go away after the holidays but I'll have to wait and see.  I never used to feel this way during the holidays and not much has changed.  However, I am under more stress than usual.  Work has become a bit overwhelming with a change in companies which has added duties I am not familiar with.  I am working my way through this.  My aunt is coming to live with us since she is 94, fell and can't be alone anymore.  I am already living with my mother and helping my son with college.  I am alone so there isn't anyone to share things with (but that's not new).  I did get really sick from a flu and head cold which seems to have physically drained me.  All the things I am mentioning are things that we with panic disorder have to try and avoid.  In my case I feel trapped in my circumstances and can't change anything at the moment.

It probably sounds like I'm rambling but this is how I work through a new development in my life.

I will continue posting about this as a series.  Hoping for a good outcome!