No one can tell that something is wrong.
No one can imagine that you are in absolute agony while you sit quietly next to them.
It is creeping. You can feel it doing something to your arms and legs and its getting harder to breathe. You gasp for air hoping no one will notice.
You want people to understand but you don't want them to be afraid of you or leave you.
Why does it come out of the blue?
Do I need water?
Do I need protein?
Do I need exercise?
Did I look at my computer too long?
Am I going to faint right here and now?
Am I going to die right here and now and no one will know because I am alone?
Should I get dressed in case I have to go the the hospital or call an ambulance?
Am I hot or am I cold?
Should I open the window or close it?
Why is there pain? Panic doesn't cause a pain.
Please just make it stop morphing into something that has never happened in 20 years during a panic attack.
How am I supposed to know if it morphs into something unfamiliar?
I hate this
I am fine for weeks and then something happens. Why? Why can't it last?
What did my mind do to cause this?
What am I afraid of?
Remember....it can't hurt you.
Then why does it hurt?
I can't focus.
I can barely fill my glass with water.....all the steps it takes to do that. I can only manage a couple of them.....push through. I can't. Push through. My head.
December 9, 2013 12:30am
