We use all our tools.
We go to our therapist.
We get up every morning.
We go to bed every night.
We do everything we can in between to just get through the day.
Then one day we look around and realize an entire year has gone by. This is what has happened to me this past year. Because it was a year of almost non stop panic I wanted to share how I got through it in hopes of helping someone else going through something similar! I am feeling better after a very long and difficult journey. Never give up hope. We live for the times when things feel normal, when we can see through the fog and past the tunnel vision, when we can think clearly and enjoy the simple things most people take for granted.
I am tempted to call what this past year has been like "hypersensitivity" to the nth degree. It felt as though I was plugged into a an electrical socket. Everything triggered my panic in different degrees. I was not panic free for months at a time. Everyone wanted to know what I thought brought back such severe levels of panic. In my case I have a stress threshold that when passed, triggers chronic panic in me, hence true panic disorder as my specific diagnosis.
This past year my mother's sister moved in with us after falling and breaking her pelvis. This was her 6th fall in 6 years. She couldn't be alone anymore and had to bring her into our home. She fell again soon after she moved it which helped us discover that she had diabetes. We got her physically healthy again. However, her sedentary lifestyle over the years and being laid up after so many falls caused her muscles to atrophy and she could walk without a walker. She became fearful and basically did not leave a living room chair and bed except to use the bathroom and come to the dinner table. She became angry, bitter and depressed. We became consumed with her needs and endured her wrath daily. It all simply became too much for me. She was with us for a year and a half. The last few months I was getting worse and worse. It felt like being exposed to her negative, sad, angry emotions was like exposing me to a toxic chemical.
I was convinced it was because of her living with us that I was not able to keep the panic at bay. After much begging and pleading my family helped me get her to go for a month long visit to a cousin who adores her. Almost instantly after she left I began to feel better. I could breathe easier.
I didn't feel as if my body was on high alert. It felt like I had been set free from a prison.
Being healthy mentally means being stress free as much as much as is possible in this world and these times. It is so important to keep the boundries up that keep me feeling safe. I continue to exercise, eat and sleep well, keep busy and let my body heal from the onslaught of emotional toxins that made me sick.
You have to fight for yourself. You have to be selfish. If you are not well you can't help others. Learning how to cope is your first priority. Implementing the things you need to do to be able to cope is the next step. Keeping things as stress free as possible is the next. Living a joyful life is your ultimate goal. It may take some time to get to it but never give up.
There is always a light and always a way. Reach out to people like me for help or just plain understanding so you don't feel alone. Have faith that things will get better and don't think there is something wrong with you if you can't handle big time stress triggers. Noone can. We just feel it more. There isn't anything wrong with you except you have overactive areas in the brain that cause panic attacks when stress gets to be too much.
I have started taking 200 mg of GABA from the health food store. I'll let you know how it helps. 50 mg of 5HTP is also great and comes from the health food store. Try them. I am also trying a calcium and magnesium powder called"Calm plus Calcium". Mixed with water it is a very good way to calm the nerves. All these things calm different areas of the brain and they do help and they are all natural things that our bodies need to function properly.
Good luck and may you find peace today!
With Love,
Anice
