TOOLS FROM THE TOOLBOX

Basic Tools I have learned over the years that help me find Peace in the Storm.

When my "aura" begins I do the following:

1. Breathe into the abdomen for a count of 4. Hold. Breathe out for a count of 4. Do this 4 -6 times. (I practice breathing throughout my day.)

2. Immediately change my thoughts by putting on music, getting up and going for a walk, get on a treadmill, go to my saved sites that can talk me down just by reading what others have found helps them. It is our thoughts that spiral out of control. If you can't do it yourself (been there) try to find someone you can call who will talk you down, read to you, read scriptures to you and invest in some soothing cd's. Sometimes more lively music does the trick.

3. Daily small doses of medication can help keep panic at bay while you are learning how to use the tools in the toolbox.

4. Sit down and direct your thoughts to what you are doing to overload your stress level. If possible step back from one or two or three things that are over-stressing you. (For some it is not possible to change jobs but change something). One of the interesting notes I came across on the "overcomepanic" website is that we are often over-achievers, perfectionists, people-pleasers and don't take care of ourselves the way we take care of others. We have to know when to stop and slow down and take a break.

This is my screensaver. I look closely at the incredible design of each flower praising our creator for such beauty. This helps me re-focus on something other than myself.

5. Others have found that coughing helps and a good cry. The adrenaline released from the fight or flight response (that is the panic attack) has to be released. Sometimes nothing works and you have to cry it out. Other times when nothing else works, medicine or a "shock" will snap you out of it. Once I had an attack for 6 solid hours (the longest ever for me). Nothing was working. I used all my tools. I decided it must be something physically wrong that needed the attention of a doctor. My son moved a car out of the drive to take me to the hospital and he hit a car. He was so upset that all I could focus on was him and the accident. Noone was hurt and I was immediately transported out of my panic and into peace. I do not suggest going out and hitting a car. Instead focus on something that you are passionate about that helps someone or something that has it worse than you. (such as animals that have been abused and need our help, people who have unfortunately lost their jobs and homes, our brave soldiers coming home with injuries). These things can take our minds off of US.

6. Eat something. I always have food with me. Usually it's picking types of food that eating them takes some focus which takes my mind off siting waiting for the light to change or for traffic to get better. These types of foods are pumpkin or sunflower seeds that have to be opened, raisins, seed and fruit mixes, banana chips (for the sugar), protein bars, whatever it is you like to pick on. Make sure you always have water. Dehydration can make changes in our body that sets off the "something's wrong" trigger.

7. See a therapist who specializes in behavioral therapy. This works for us as well as it's other uses. We do have a say so in changing our behaviors. A good therapist can show you how to do this. (This is more for prevention and learning new tools)

8. Exercise regularly and try yoga or other relaxation and stretching exercises. (Also for prevention and lowering stress but can be done at the time an aura begins)

9. Practice Gratitude and Forgiveness. Striving for joy and happiness in life can free us of so much that we try to control that we cannot change. The serenity prayer is right on when we don't know what to pray:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

-–Melody Beattie

10. Put on the Armor of God.  (See under my uplifting section in the right column).

11. Meditation is very important for stress relief. For those of you who choose a different kind of meditation Here is a site for you!! A very old friend of mine created this site to help heal the broken spirit. This is her way and it is a good way.

I choose prayer myself but there is nothing wrong with peaceful meditation with God's creation.

12. Play Solitaire or Jewels or some kind of game on the computer or the old fashioned way. Remember, we are taking our focus from our negative thoughts and putting it on something else. If we can't think we have to change what we are doing to be able to think and then start thinking positive thoughts.

Remember you cannot help others unless you are healthy.

Get healthy. Eat better. Back off on the caffeine. Walk or Run. Use your tools and feel free to share any great ways you get healthy not mentioned here. We are all different and we should always find what works for us. We are wonderfully and perfectly made and we have a way out!

Peace and Blessings!!!

You Are Not Alone!!

If you are like me you have been told by everyone from your doctors to your friends to people with panic who have posted or blogged or have their own panic websites that one of the biggest factors that keep us struggling with our panic is STRESS. The common solution is "there isn't anything else to do after we have mastered using our tools except "CHANGE OUR CIRCUMSTANCES/ENVIRONMENT". 

If we can remove ourselves from whatever may be causing our stress to be on overload we would have more peace. This is actually true and a proven fact for those of us with panic disorder. It has been stated over and over again. All of the websites I have shared with you have this as a piece of the puzzle to victory.

For more affirmation here is another website that has a been a big help to me. The woman who created it has put a lot of work into it and sincerely wishes to help us. She titles the site "No More Panic". It is based out of the UK. When I first found it I couldn't believe how many people all over the world suffer as I do. I felt vindicated, affirmed and finally, Not Alone.

I am one of those people who cannot change my circumstances in a significant way. I can only tweek them here and there so I do continue to struggle. However, I handle it better and better if I stay focused on others, God and not me, exercise, meditate and use all of the tools in my toolbox. It is a constant battle that is exhausting but at least I am not running out of the grocery store or bank or feeling like leaving my car at the stop light or in the traffic. I still don't like sitting in a traffic jam on the highway so will get off as soon as possible and take a different route. I always allow more time in case I need to do this. 

I will also usually offer to drive somewhere with the person I am with unaware that I am doing this to avoid a panic attack.

Our lives are disrupted by this kind of behavior but it's become more of an annoyance than a debilitating experience. I have my bad days when I fall apart wondering "why me". Why can I not be completely free of this? I will never have a normal life, etc. Then I see a homeless person, or a person without a limb or someone who is disfigured......you get the point. I realize how lucky I am to still have time to try to achieve victory. There is still a chance I will be free. Hope is what we live on. Sometimes what we have feels like a disability (one that no one can see so is not taken seriously). In fact, at times it almost feels worse because no one can see it.

I went to a doctor once to discuss the fact that my physical feelings when I get sick sometimes throw me into a panic attack so I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if I should see a doctor. I told him I wanted to find a doctor that would understand I need to see him more often than usual because I don't know sometimes where my symptoms are coming from. (Symptoms mimic other medical conditions). He immediately started screaming at me (I'm not kidding) that he would not discuss "anxiety" with me or anyone. He did this in front of a medical student who was shadowing him that day. I was mortified. He treated me like I wasn't worthy of his medical care. In this day and age still many medical doctors do not even want to go there. He said to go see a psychiatrist.

What I was trying to do was find a medical doctor that was sympathetic and knowledgeable about panic and how it affects us physically. Sometimes all we need to know is that no, we are not having a heart attack or we don't have a deadly disease. And we feel that only a medical doctor can correctly diagnose this. I still have not found that "doctor" that can treat me with an understanding of the condition that I have and just be there. (I pay to see him so why should he care that I may not be sick physically at the time or my physical condition could be aggravated by my panic). In turn, stress not only affects our panic disorder it also affects us physically and CAN cause disease to come into our bodies. The two are related. When I find that doctor I will let you know.

When you can't change your circumstances all you can do is hold on, seek anything that can give you some peace, try to find out if you boss would be understanding and maybe let you work from home, believe that you will get better, work really hard to get out of the house and do things (the more you work on this the more you will see improvement).

And last but not least there is medication. Many people are afraid of medication but it really can make the biggest difference. Talk to your doctor.

I do want to say one thing in case one of you has tried every single anti-depressant out there and cannot take them because the way you react to them is feeling like you want to jump out of your skin which in turn brings on more panic. All doctors will tell you to try one. They do help many people but for those of us that they don't help this is what I found:

I was speaking with a psychiatrist friend one day and telling him my troubles with anti-depressants. He explained that my body chemistry reacts opposite of other people's body chemistry to anti-depressants and that I needed to try (and I did not like hearing this) bi-polar medication in very small doses. So I went to my doctor. We discussed this and his recommendation was to try Lamictal. He wanted me to work up to 100mg. I never got there. I was fine on 25. I now break my 25mg in half. (I can tell when I haven't taken my Lamictal). It's all about what you need and you are the only one who knows how your body feels when taking any kind of drug. It seems to help take the edge off and it's such a small dose most doctors snicker when they hear it. I am very petite. No two bodies are alike. 

 My motto is less is better but you do have to experiment. Do it gradually and under a doctor's care. I also take 5HTP (50mg). I can also tell when I haven't been taking it. It is not harmful. You can buy it over the counter at any drug store or health food store. I like a particular brand. Studies of the brain have shown that depleted 5HTP can be an underlying factor in some of us who have panic attacks. (It's described as a natural anti-depressant). The first time I heard about 5HTP was on PBS. I was watching Dr Amen. You should do your own investigation on Dr Amen and his study of the brain. Look him up. Some people don't like him. I said to myself, what can it hurt? I've tried everything.

Disclaimer****Please note that these are the medicines and treatments that have helped me. I am not telling you what to do with your particular situation. Whenever I hear about a new drug or treatment I do my due diligence and research and speak with medical professionals and take them only with my doctors knowledge. Some medicines react with other medicines. So just be SMART!!!

THE WAVES

Fierce drives the storm, but wind and waves
Within His hand are held,
And trusting His omnipotence
My fears are sweetly quelled. —Brown

Have you ever had one of those attacks that isn't just ONE Attack but a series of waves one after the other? I have. And it's the worst kind of attack. Just when you think it's passing or subsiding here comes another wave of intensity. I remember just asking why, why won't it stop? And what is driving this? What is the chemistry behind this? It can't be my fears mounting up into a big explosion. This is something else. Much scarier than other times. This is when I really want to call an ambulance or go to the hospital. I hate having to knock myself out with medication just to make it stop but sometimes that is what I have done. The worst experience with this type of attack I had was when the medicine didn't work. Then I had a problem too big for me to bare.

This is when I want to blow my brains out or "cut off my head" because that is where it's coming from. I know that's gross and graphic but that is how I felt. I am so lucky that I have a very strong sense of survival and disgust of suicide. That scares me more. I truly believe suicide is a universal no-no. No matter what religion, you will read in it's book something about never going to "the other side" if you do. (I know you're thinking of the suicide bombers and the terrorists that think they are serving their God. But if you read their "Book" it actually instructs them against this).

Specific instructions tell you NOT to take your own life. I believe that. I know my belief is why I am alive. My panic is so bad that I have contemplated making it stop by jumping off a cliff so many times. I am so glad I did not do that! Please know that there is hope and that you will survive this. The good times will eventually out-weigh the bad. As a fellow panic disorder survivor/sufferer says: "Don't Forget to Look Up"!! You just might see a rainbow.

Panic Attack vs Anxiety Attack

PANIC ATTACKS - Can they hurt us? What are they? How can I stop them?

On my journey of searching for help with my panic disorder I came across a book written by Ray Comfort called Overcoming Panic Attacks. It was the beginning of validation that I was not alone. It also gave an in-depth description of a panic attack that could help my family and friends somewhat understand what I went through on a daily basis, many times a day.

"Unlike anxiety attacks or generalized anxiety panic attacks come on suddenly, unexpectedly, and appear to be unprovoked - begin out of the blue with no obvious trigger and 90% of the time are completely disabling." - Description found on a blog that had the closest description to a PANIC ATTACK that I have seen in 22 years.

The biggest mystery for me and my panic disorder is that after an hour of telling myself that "it's just a panic attack. It will pass.", when do I decide there could actually be something physically wrong and that if I don't get to the hospital for treatment I could really be in trouble? How do I know the difference? How do I tell?

Usually an attack will pass after anywhere from 2 minutes to 15 minutes. If you start feeling better after you have initiated "tools" from your toolbox then you know it was more like what I call an anxiety attack.

If nothing changes after a few minutes of implementing some learned behavioral and breathing tools and if you cannot even think of what to do to help yourself you are having a PANIC ATTACK. If a feeling of fear grips you to the point that you would rather jump off a bridge than feel what you are feeling you are having a PANIC ATTACK. Anyone watching this happen to you, including the doctors and nurses at the emergency room look at you like you are acting like a two year old and need to get a grip.

This is the most helpless feeling. No one understands. No one knows what to do and Everyone is telling you "It can't hurt you. It will pass. Breathe, etc." All you can do is look at them with fear in your eyes and pain they cannot see.

It's like a friend of mine just said to me today....If you never lost your mother you do not know what it feels like. Another analogy is... If you have never had children you do not understand the love of a mother for her child. (Dad's can feel this way too.). Anyone who has never had a PANIC ATTACK does NOT know what you are going through.

There are things you can do to minimize and get your attack under control. There are ways to ask friends and loved ones to help you. There are ways to live with this disorder and break free of the bondage and experience life in a way you used to live (before panic disorder took hold of your life).

For a lot of us we find our source of strength and comfort knowing God is there for us during our time of struggle and can ultimately deliver us from bondage. In the meantime he also gives us tools through therapists, meditation on Him - His Word, exercise, medications; all so we can help ourselves understand what is happening to us and to focus on looking up.

A fabulous Christian woman, Angela Brittain started a website that helps ME when I am struggling. It is called overcomepanic.com.

We are definitely NOT ALONE:)

Below is a poem I wrote before I found any help from any thing or any one. I was alone and felt helpless (even in my marriage and even with a loving family). Maybe you can relate. But I am here to tell you that you will one day look back as I am on this poem and say Thank You to all the people who were brave enough to write down how they became free of Panic Disorder.

May 1993 (One year into ten attacks a day) Death dream

Someone to hold me when I sleep

Someone to tell my dreams to in the middle of the night

Someone to tell me everything is going to be alright when:

The throbbing in my head begins

The sudden heat and constriction of my lungs

The fear of losing control

The pulling on my soul

The feeling of suffocation and dying

The blackness

Someone to stop the pain